Nagpur happened in my life like a miracle!...
I never thought that someday I have to come away from home for the sake of my degree!... but ya it used to be one of my most favorite dreams…
But I was really not prepare for this dream to come true, that much surprisingly and suddenly! I accepted that phase, I accepted the fact that I have to leave my family for 4 long yrs!..
I already had cursed my life for so many things but this time I didn’t complain!..
I accepted life as it came…
I still remember the vary first step of mine in the Nagpur Railway station! It was really embarrassing; I fell down while crossing the staircases!!... I’m a little bit superstitious person! I was feeling like Nagpur will not be able to be mine!.. but the passed four yrs proved it to be wrong totally…
I entered PIET (Priyadarshini Institute of Engineering & Technology), and it welcomed me!.. I was stubborn! I thought many things; this city is not mine, I am not here to make friend; I have come here to study and will go back to my home after four yrs!... but Nagpur was loving enough! It embraced me with its hot weather and Marathi Culture! How and in what conditions the students of my class became my friend is history now!... just wanna say “I’m really blessed that I have u all!!”
Nagpur helped me a lot to know the real person within myself!... I got to know the realities about ME! Who am I really!!
Faced so many phases of life in Nagpur; the ups, the downs!
But I accepted all of them with patience! That is why perhaps, that city gave me so many things as gifts!
More importantly, Nagpur gave me satisfaction in many ways; which was really very rare in my previous life!...
I started my struggle in Nagpur…
I became a much more controlled person..
I started thinking positively…
I realized that I love ma family a lot..
I felt that now I m a grown up girl!!!...
Thanks Nagpur for giving me my College & my friends (in tones!!), for introducing me with the love of my life, for telling me that there are so many things where u have to be a topper apart from studies, for telling me that patience is the only treasure of ones life, for giving me a homely environment in such a place which is about 2200 Km away from my home town….
And finaly thanks a tone for helping me in discovering myself ….
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Sunset...
Sunsets never ever have attracted me this much untill i saw this photograph!why i don't know whenever i see this photo i feel like crying!!...
its amazingly beautifull!
The Saraighat bridge
This beautiful bridge is conecting Guwahati with the outer world!!the first bridge on the river Brahmaputra...
I jst love to view Guwahati from this bridge!...
the beauty of Mighty Brahmaputra icreases to a huge amount from here...
Hopelessly Hopeful...
…. She was not at all a stranger for me nor her little brother!... whenever I came to office I used to meet them!...
I was not at all interested about them!... but whenever I saw their malnutritioned health I used to thing, “How they r surviving?”… They were small kids of age 4-5 yrs old! May be the girl was little elder than the boy!..perhaps with the rising sun they srart thinking how to arrange todays fooding??? Like all the beggars on this earth their motto of life is “Live to eat not eat to live!”…. they are helpless!... I know!.. because they were just roadside beggers!...
I rarely pity on the beggers! I really don’t feel anything special for any of them; except for them who are really can’t go for any kind of physical works because of their disabilities!... but then also I rarely pay them a coin!..
This girl and her brother (I’ve considered him so!!) was also not different for me!... but I have a real weakness for kids! I always observe them with curiosity!... that girl had those ugly copper coloured curly hairs(Just Yucks!)! she had that extra large belly, explaining that some terrible worm working inside! She rarely wear something, even I have seen her totally nude for so many times (Its OK that she is not wearing anything or not having anything to wear right now, because she is only 5-6 yrs old; but what about the time after 6-7 yrs from now?! Isn’t it terrifying? No one on this earth needs an official announcement that a girl has grown up;be it’s a normal girl or roadside one! Is hardly matters!)!... I found everything related to her ugly!.. she was not at all cute or some thing like that!.. but that boy was so cute to look at! U may not find that at the first sight!...but if u observe him carefully he’s a very cute child!... specially his laugh just awesome! He used to laugh as if he was the most happiest child on this earth!.. his laughter always surprises me!...how can this creature can even gather the power to laugh that much??!.. he rarely get something to eat! He’s not healthy! Though also he can laugh and smile!...strange!..
After the office i used to wait for the bus and that whole time I used to observe them both!
They were just my time pass!... if they come to me n beg something I always chose to come to a safe place, far away from them!
That day when i reached my office and got down from the bus I saw the boy begger was crying his heart out near the footpath! I looked around to find out his sister!.. perhaps she went somewhere to collect food!... I again looked at the boy, he was sobbing badly!.. suddenly the boy noticed me that I was looking at him! His grief increased and cried again loudly... don’t know why I smiled at him!.. he hold back his tears and looked at me; perhaps my action made him confused! “Why she’s smiling?!” perhaps he was thinking!!... after a pause he ignored my presence started crying againg!.. he again stole a glance and looked at me; I again gave him a smile! This time that dirty cute begger couldn’t stop his smile!! He also tried to smile but he was crying previously! So it took some time for him to decide what to do exactly! Meanwhile he was continuing both of his jobs! He was crying delivering the irritating sound but smiling at me!...
I couldn’t stop laughing at his innocent deeds!but immediately realized that am on the main road!.. if someone is observing me he might be thinking that am a mad girl!... I maintained ma reputation and ma dignity and left the place for office!..i crossed the boy…I patted his head! He touched my hand trying to hold it…I removed ma hands! His touch was the same as a normal child could have!.. soft, natural!
First time in my life I had a feelings of doing something for that boy!... I am earning I should give him something to help him!... I felt good that day!... the ME inside me was feeling really happy; SHE appreciated me for the whole day!... returning from the office I gave the boy a 2 ruppes coin! (I can’t even invest a single paisa on beggers; that day I gave 2 ruppes! I surprised myself!!)
After that day it was one of ma regular habits to give the boy one coin, sometimes one chocolate etc!.. just he had to give me a smile! And my heart melts away!...
…I hate to travel by bus! Seriously sometimes its just irritating! Specially when it is over crowded!! Ewe!!.. but I have no other options to travel from my home to office!... so have to accept everything!!..
that day I was feeling like the bus was over crowded then usual!.. full of passengers, no place to place your foot somewhere on the bus floor!!.. I was sitting on the third seat! After 10 minutes I will reach my stop for office!... so I preferred to struggle when there was two more stops to go for my particular stop, to get out of the crowd n get down from the bus in time!... uff its really pathetic experience! U have to take care of everything u have while getting out of that crowded hell; starting from your hairstyle to your cloth, your bags your purse..everything!... after struggling for quite a while I maintained myself to come out safely from the bus at time!... “uff! Thank God!!”.. I thought!.. after getting down, I was searching for my cute begger!.. I saw him!.. “There!”.. I opened my hand bag to take out my purse to give him one coin!.. he was happy seeing me! M his regular customer now!
…..I tried hard but I couldn’t manage to find out my purse!... ”Where is it!! I have kept it here only! Even I have given the bus fare also!!” my mind was continuously speaking!.. the boy came near to me opening his palms! He was smiling! But I couldn’t!.. “Where r u damn it!” I was getting frustrated!... my mind was not ready to accept the fact that someone had stole my purse in the bus!... I had an immediate calculation! Three hundred rupees notes, some coins, my id card along with my ATM!!! No way!! I have lost everything????!!!... I searched my hand bag as clearly as possible!.. no there was no any single purse in my bag!... I felt like crying there only! That was the first time m facing that situation!... main tensen was the ATM card! I ‘ve to block it immediately!...
that boy was still there standing for my single response! That day I didn’t even smiled at him!.. and for quite some time I had been busy with my hand bag! Of course he was getting curious!.. he asked me money raising his palms! I ignored perhaps!... suddenly he started pulling my kurta pointing his stomach!..
that time only I was about to rush to the bank for blocking the ATM! My mind was totally blank at that moment! I was already frustrated to its peak! And that boy was pulling my kurta continuously!!... I couldn’t understand what happened to me, but I did the worst job ever! I turned back and slapped him tight!!... it took some time to understand for the boy what his regular customer has done to him!!... but I realized immediately!.. many of the passerby might be observing me n my deeds but for them this boy was a mere begger!! But I have to save my reputation!.. I immediately left that place n rush for the bus to the bank!...
I knew that I have done something tremendously bad!... I slapped him!.. it was really very hard for that 4 yr old to bare!.. I heard he was crying!! I looked back! He was still holding his cheeks! My godness! He was continuously crying hard and his sister was trying to convince him anyway!...
I couldn’t see more!...
I took my next bus n rush to the bank!
I promised myself to give him something in the evening while returning!
That evening I was not able to find those two kids at the same spot!
“Where they have gone??”
I blocked my ATM, and had withdrawn some money from the bank! I bought one chocolate for the boy! I was feeling so sorry for him!... his crying face was coming infront of my eyes!
But that evening they were not there!..
“Lets try it tomorrow!” I went home!
But that “Tomorrow” never came!... I tried to find them out! Went to nearest bagger’s point also! But they were absent!...
Today I had my last working day!.. but those mulnutritioned creature were still absent!
They left the spot! They left me!...
They left my coins….
I felt a lump in my throat!..
I took the bus for home!
My mind was constantly saying sorry to him; but the ME inside me was cursing me!....
Some how m feeling I have spoiled his laughter!...
“Sorry!!”.. my heavey mind spoke to him!
M hopelessly hopeful that somewhere someone again giving them some precious moments to smile to laugh, some chocolates, some coins with love, some touches of love but of course without slapping them, without betraying them!!..
They can be loved because they also are leading one life!... without any reputation!
But still they are hopelessly hopeful!.. like me…
I was not at all interested about them!... but whenever I saw their malnutritioned health I used to thing, “How they r surviving?”… They were small kids of age 4-5 yrs old! May be the girl was little elder than the boy!..perhaps with the rising sun they srart thinking how to arrange todays fooding??? Like all the beggars on this earth their motto of life is “Live to eat not eat to live!”…. they are helpless!... I know!.. because they were just roadside beggers!...
I rarely pity on the beggers! I really don’t feel anything special for any of them; except for them who are really can’t go for any kind of physical works because of their disabilities!... but then also I rarely pay them a coin!..
This girl and her brother (I’ve considered him so!!) was also not different for me!... but I have a real weakness for kids! I always observe them with curiosity!... that girl had those ugly copper coloured curly hairs(Just Yucks!)! she had that extra large belly, explaining that some terrible worm working inside! She rarely wear something, even I have seen her totally nude for so many times (Its OK that she is not wearing anything or not having anything to wear right now, because she is only 5-6 yrs old; but what about the time after 6-7 yrs from now?! Isn’t it terrifying? No one on this earth needs an official announcement that a girl has grown up;be it’s a normal girl or roadside one! Is hardly matters!)!... I found everything related to her ugly!.. she was not at all cute or some thing like that!.. but that boy was so cute to look at! U may not find that at the first sight!...but if u observe him carefully he’s a very cute child!... specially his laugh just awesome! He used to laugh as if he was the most happiest child on this earth!.. his laughter always surprises me!...how can this creature can even gather the power to laugh that much??!.. he rarely get something to eat! He’s not healthy! Though also he can laugh and smile!...strange!..
After the office i used to wait for the bus and that whole time I used to observe them both!
They were just my time pass!... if they come to me n beg something I always chose to come to a safe place, far away from them!
That day when i reached my office and got down from the bus I saw the boy begger was crying his heart out near the footpath! I looked around to find out his sister!.. perhaps she went somewhere to collect food!... I again looked at the boy, he was sobbing badly!.. suddenly the boy noticed me that I was looking at him! His grief increased and cried again loudly... don’t know why I smiled at him!.. he hold back his tears and looked at me; perhaps my action made him confused! “Why she’s smiling?!” perhaps he was thinking!!... after a pause he ignored my presence started crying againg!.. he again stole a glance and looked at me; I again gave him a smile! This time that dirty cute begger couldn’t stop his smile!! He also tried to smile but he was crying previously! So it took some time for him to decide what to do exactly! Meanwhile he was continuing both of his jobs! He was crying delivering the irritating sound but smiling at me!...
I couldn’t stop laughing at his innocent deeds!but immediately realized that am on the main road!.. if someone is observing me he might be thinking that am a mad girl!... I maintained ma reputation and ma dignity and left the place for office!..i crossed the boy…I patted his head! He touched my hand trying to hold it…I removed ma hands! His touch was the same as a normal child could have!.. soft, natural!
First time in my life I had a feelings of doing something for that boy!... I am earning I should give him something to help him!... I felt good that day!... the ME inside me was feeling really happy; SHE appreciated me for the whole day!... returning from the office I gave the boy a 2 ruppes coin! (I can’t even invest a single paisa on beggers; that day I gave 2 ruppes! I surprised myself!!)
After that day it was one of ma regular habits to give the boy one coin, sometimes one chocolate etc!.. just he had to give me a smile! And my heart melts away!...
…I hate to travel by bus! Seriously sometimes its just irritating! Specially when it is over crowded!! Ewe!!.. but I have no other options to travel from my home to office!... so have to accept everything!!..
that day I was feeling like the bus was over crowded then usual!.. full of passengers, no place to place your foot somewhere on the bus floor!!.. I was sitting on the third seat! After 10 minutes I will reach my stop for office!... so I preferred to struggle when there was two more stops to go for my particular stop, to get out of the crowd n get down from the bus in time!... uff its really pathetic experience! U have to take care of everything u have while getting out of that crowded hell; starting from your hairstyle to your cloth, your bags your purse..everything!... after struggling for quite a while I maintained myself to come out safely from the bus at time!... “uff! Thank God!!”.. I thought!.. after getting down, I was searching for my cute begger!.. I saw him!.. “There!”.. I opened my hand bag to take out my purse to give him one coin!.. he was happy seeing me! M his regular customer now!
…..I tried hard but I couldn’t manage to find out my purse!... ”Where is it!! I have kept it here only! Even I have given the bus fare also!!” my mind was continuously speaking!.. the boy came near to me opening his palms! He was smiling! But I couldn’t!.. “Where r u damn it!” I was getting frustrated!... my mind was not ready to accept the fact that someone had stole my purse in the bus!... I had an immediate calculation! Three hundred rupees notes, some coins, my id card along with my ATM!!! No way!! I have lost everything????!!!... I searched my hand bag as clearly as possible!.. no there was no any single purse in my bag!... I felt like crying there only! That was the first time m facing that situation!... main tensen was the ATM card! I ‘ve to block it immediately!...
that boy was still there standing for my single response! That day I didn’t even smiled at him!.. and for quite some time I had been busy with my hand bag! Of course he was getting curious!.. he asked me money raising his palms! I ignored perhaps!... suddenly he started pulling my kurta pointing his stomach!..
that time only I was about to rush to the bank for blocking the ATM! My mind was totally blank at that moment! I was already frustrated to its peak! And that boy was pulling my kurta continuously!!... I couldn’t understand what happened to me, but I did the worst job ever! I turned back and slapped him tight!!... it took some time to understand for the boy what his regular customer has done to him!!... but I realized immediately!.. many of the passerby might be observing me n my deeds but for them this boy was a mere begger!! But I have to save my reputation!.. I immediately left that place n rush for the bus to the bank!...
I knew that I have done something tremendously bad!... I slapped him!.. it was really very hard for that 4 yr old to bare!.. I heard he was crying!! I looked back! He was still holding his cheeks! My godness! He was continuously crying hard and his sister was trying to convince him anyway!...
I couldn’t see more!...
I took my next bus n rush to the bank!
I promised myself to give him something in the evening while returning!
That evening I was not able to find those two kids at the same spot!
“Where they have gone??”
I blocked my ATM, and had withdrawn some money from the bank! I bought one chocolate for the boy! I was feeling so sorry for him!... his crying face was coming infront of my eyes!
But that evening they were not there!..
“Lets try it tomorrow!” I went home!
But that “Tomorrow” never came!... I tried to find them out! Went to nearest bagger’s point also! But they were absent!...
Today I had my last working day!.. but those mulnutritioned creature were still absent!
They left the spot! They left me!...
They left my coins….
I felt a lump in my throat!..
I took the bus for home!
My mind was constantly saying sorry to him; but the ME inside me was cursing me!....
Some how m feeling I have spoiled his laughter!...
“Sorry!!”.. my heavey mind spoke to him!
M hopelessly hopeful that somewhere someone again giving them some precious moments to smile to laugh, some chocolates, some coins with love, some touches of love but of course without slapping them, without betraying them!!..
They can be loved because they also are leading one life!... without any reputation!
But still they are hopelessly hopeful!.. like me…
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
O' my sleeping child....
I was returning from my office that day by bus!.. I always fell sleepy while returning!!
I was about to sleep when i noticed one little girl! She came to near my seat! The bus was full of passengers so she and her father was standing near ma seat..
I noticed the girl. She was cuter than the cutiest!!...Age was about 5-6 yrs! She has the golden brown long hairs, with shiny red cheeks and two small bright eyes!!..WOW!!...I smiled at her! She didn't reply!..She was looking through the window and ma seat was the window side seat! I took the chance and called her to sit on ma lap!She looked at her father for the allotment... He nodded his head! She came n sit with me!
Her hairs were playing with the wind and it was equally hitting ma face!.. I realy love that experience!
Several times i asked her name but she didn't replied!Perhaps she had to ask her father for that!!No probs! I was happy that she was sitting on ma lap!!
After a while, i felt that she was leaning against ma chest! i removed her hairs from her face n saw she was sleeping!!....I looked around for her father! he was sitting in the opposite row.
Fine no prob, i can handle her!
I hold her tight so that she can be comfortable with her nap!...
I again looked at her!!
She was just looking WOW!!...With that golden hairs falling on her cheeks she was looking the Most Gorgeous Baby on the Earth!
How can someone be so cute,so innocent and so soft to look at!???!!!
I personally love watching some one sleeping!!...and if tis a baby than i can forget the whole world!...I cant resist maself from hugging n kissing a cute child!!!...
That day also i was helpless!!
i removed the hairs from her face and gave her a sweet little kiss on her cheeks!!
"Love You Baby!" my mind spoke!!....After that relaxing deed i suddenly realised her father was looking at me!!!...Ma God...!!!
"He'll certainly b angry with me!!" my mind again spoke with doubts!!
I looked at him! He smiled back to me!! "Great!!" i thought!...
I also greeted him with smile!...
"Her name is Oinitom!" her dad said!...I nodded and again looked at her!!
"Oinitom!....I Love You dear!"... i again hold her tight to me...
I have heard that there is one song saying "O' my sleping child!"....
I realy don't know how the song goes and how's the lyrics!!
But that day that moment having the sweetest baby on ma lap that few wordings came to my mind!!
PS: I have to arrange the song anyhow! By the way hows the song sounds??!! is it good???
I was about to sleep when i noticed one little girl! She came to near my seat! The bus was full of passengers so she and her father was standing near ma seat..
I noticed the girl. She was cuter than the cutiest!!...Age was about 5-6 yrs! She has the golden brown long hairs, with shiny red cheeks and two small bright eyes!!..WOW!!...I smiled at her! She didn't reply!..She was looking through the window and ma seat was the window side seat! I took the chance and called her to sit on ma lap!She looked at her father for the allotment... He nodded his head! She came n sit with me!
Her hairs were playing with the wind and it was equally hitting ma face!.. I realy love that experience!
Several times i asked her name but she didn't replied!Perhaps she had to ask her father for that!!No probs! I was happy that she was sitting on ma lap!!
After a while, i felt that she was leaning against ma chest! i removed her hairs from her face n saw she was sleeping!!....I looked around for her father! he was sitting in the opposite row.
Fine no prob, i can handle her!
I hold her tight so that she can be comfortable with her nap!...
I again looked at her!!
She was just looking WOW!!...With that golden hairs falling on her cheeks she was looking the Most Gorgeous Baby on the Earth!
How can someone be so cute,so innocent and so soft to look at!???!!!
I personally love watching some one sleeping!!...and if tis a baby than i can forget the whole world!...I cant resist maself from hugging n kissing a cute child!!!...
That day also i was helpless!!
i removed the hairs from her face and gave her a sweet little kiss on her cheeks!!
"Love You Baby!" my mind spoke!!....After that relaxing deed i suddenly realised her father was looking at me!!!...Ma God...!!!
"He'll certainly b angry with me!!" my mind again spoke with doubts!!
I looked at him! He smiled back to me!! "Great!!" i thought!...
I also greeted him with smile!...
"Her name is Oinitom!" her dad said!...I nodded and again looked at her!!
"Oinitom!....I Love You dear!"... i again hold her tight to me...
I have heard that there is one song saying "O' my sleping child!"....
I realy don't know how the song goes and how's the lyrics!!
But that day that moment having the sweetest baby on ma lap that few wordings came to my mind!!
PS: I have to arrange the song anyhow! By the way hows the song sounds??!! is it good???
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Memories
I was little bit surprised by his behavior! He was holding that pen and the writing pad and giving all the answers by writing on it… papa was busy talking to him. I thought he might be dumb! Perhaps he cant speak or he has got some infection in his toung or something like that! This “infection” terms always comes to my mind whenever I enter papa’s patho lab! I really don’t think in a patho lab one can expect a different word other than this!
Whatever! That man and his deeds were really very interesting!.. my papa was questioning something and he was giving answers by writing! I was observing his writing speed and he was very fat at his work!
“meet my daughter!” papa introduce me with him!...i was not at all ready for that moment!... I just smiled! He offered his hand with a cute smile on his lips! I felt the firm grip! I wanted to know whether he was ill or just cant speak… I was busy in search of a MY MOMENT with papa so that I can ask him about the condition of that man! I didn’t have to wait long. “He neither can hear nor speak! He’s Kanu Ba’s brother in law! Remember her??... he has passed law this year! Look at his handwriting!” papa gave me a piece of paper! There were some Assamese scripts written. I agreed with papa! He has written that beautifully! For the first time i made a direct eye contact with that man! A sweet smile was covering his lips! He was a person in his late twenties. Had a fare complexion and have got two broad eyes! More than his eyes, I loved the shape of his eyebrows! It has got a shape that of a bow!!... he was wearing T-shirt with that faded jeans… for the first time I had an direct interaction with that kind of person! Means physically retarded! I really don’t know whether it will be the appropriate word to describe him, “Retarded”!... was amazed like anything and I was starring at him!... but It was my luck that by that time he was busy with his mobile!writting some messege!
“if he cant hear you then how did he was answering you! He cant hear anything na?” I asked papa… I saw that he was not using the hearing aids also! Papa just smiled and said, “he can read your lips!” it was like another googly for me!... I have heard all that things, have seen in movies that someone reading your lips movements! Again I started starring at him! He suddenly looked up to me… perhaps ma facial expressions were telling him that I was bit confused! He wrote something on the pad and gave it to me. There were the words “WHAT?” I moved to papa! What to tell him?? “ ask his name!” papa tried to rescue me! I asked! He observed ma lips smiled! Gave me another piece of paper writing his name. “Madhur”! “what a sweet name!” I thought. Then after that I started asking him questions and he was successfully and brilliantly gave me the answers with the pen and thepapers! I saw him laughing,but it was totally soundless! “How to react to this person? Should I be sad that he has some limitations in his life or happy that against all the odds he’s enjoying life!?” I was confirmed that he was really very comfortable with us! Felt happy for him! Papa asked him suddenly, “when will u marry???”
I waited for the answer eagerly because that was the same question I was thinking about!
He gave the paper to papa writing “Yes, am in search of ma partner!”
Papa: “what quality do you want in that girl?”
Madhur: “she should also be deaf and dumb like me!”
I was just touched by his answer! After giving that paper to papa he laughed! Soundless!!
I still was starring at him! He looked at me! Two beautiful deep eyes, that sweet smile on his lips… how amazing this person is!... I started imagining his life after his marriage! Two silent persons! For people like us, silence can kill someone, but for them that silence will be full of words and emotions! That will be the another beauty of life!...
I was leaving my papa’s lab. I said him goodbye! He replied and gave me a piece of paper again!
“you have a good heart! Never let it die! God bless you. You look beautiful when smile!” those words were enough to make ma eyes wet! I left the lab as soon as possible! I didn’t look back! I treasured that paper till the starting of ma engineering life! Papa asked me that night what did he write in that last paper! I lied him and said, “that was only ‘Bye’!”
But it was ma bad luck that I lose that paper!... where and how don’t know! But I still remember his handwriting!
Yesterday papa told me that Madhur died last month! He was suffering from cancer!
Today am missing his that piece of paper, which he gave me 6 years back!
Why didn’t I look back to him that day???!!! I still remember his silent eyes, his bow shaped eyebrows!
Madhur didnt got the chance of marrying someone…
Whatever! That man and his deeds were really very interesting!.. my papa was questioning something and he was giving answers by writing! I was observing his writing speed and he was very fat at his work!
“meet my daughter!” papa introduce me with him!...i was not at all ready for that moment!... I just smiled! He offered his hand with a cute smile on his lips! I felt the firm grip! I wanted to know whether he was ill or just cant speak… I was busy in search of a MY MOMENT with papa so that I can ask him about the condition of that man! I didn’t have to wait long. “He neither can hear nor speak! He’s Kanu Ba’s brother in law! Remember her??... he has passed law this year! Look at his handwriting!” papa gave me a piece of paper! There were some Assamese scripts written. I agreed with papa! He has written that beautifully! For the first time i made a direct eye contact with that man! A sweet smile was covering his lips! He was a person in his late twenties. Had a fare complexion and have got two broad eyes! More than his eyes, I loved the shape of his eyebrows! It has got a shape that of a bow!!... he was wearing T-shirt with that faded jeans… for the first time I had an direct interaction with that kind of person! Means physically retarded! I really don’t know whether it will be the appropriate word to describe him, “Retarded”!... was amazed like anything and I was starring at him!... but It was my luck that by that time he was busy with his mobile!writting some messege!
“if he cant hear you then how did he was answering you! He cant hear anything na?” I asked papa… I saw that he was not using the hearing aids also! Papa just smiled and said, “he can read your lips!” it was like another googly for me!... I have heard all that things, have seen in movies that someone reading your lips movements! Again I started starring at him! He suddenly looked up to me… perhaps ma facial expressions were telling him that I was bit confused! He wrote something on the pad and gave it to me. There were the words “WHAT?” I moved to papa! What to tell him?? “ ask his name!” papa tried to rescue me! I asked! He observed ma lips smiled! Gave me another piece of paper writing his name. “Madhur”! “what a sweet name!” I thought. Then after that I started asking him questions and he was successfully and brilliantly gave me the answers with the pen and thepapers! I saw him laughing,but it was totally soundless! “How to react to this person? Should I be sad that he has some limitations in his life or happy that against all the odds he’s enjoying life!?” I was confirmed that he was really very comfortable with us! Felt happy for him! Papa asked him suddenly, “when will u marry???”
I waited for the answer eagerly because that was the same question I was thinking about!
He gave the paper to papa writing “Yes, am in search of ma partner!”
Papa: “what quality do you want in that girl?”
Madhur: “she should also be deaf and dumb like me!”
I was just touched by his answer! After giving that paper to papa he laughed! Soundless!!
I still was starring at him! He looked at me! Two beautiful deep eyes, that sweet smile on his lips… how amazing this person is!... I started imagining his life after his marriage! Two silent persons! For people like us, silence can kill someone, but for them that silence will be full of words and emotions! That will be the another beauty of life!...
I was leaving my papa’s lab. I said him goodbye! He replied and gave me a piece of paper again!
“you have a good heart! Never let it die! God bless you. You look beautiful when smile!” those words were enough to make ma eyes wet! I left the lab as soon as possible! I didn’t look back! I treasured that paper till the starting of ma engineering life! Papa asked me that night what did he write in that last paper! I lied him and said, “that was only ‘Bye’!”
But it was ma bad luck that I lose that paper!... where and how don’t know! But I still remember his handwriting!
Yesterday papa told me that Madhur died last month! He was suffering from cancer!
Today am missing his that piece of paper, which he gave me 6 years back!
Why didn’t I look back to him that day???!!! I still remember his silent eyes, his bow shaped eyebrows!
Madhur didnt got the chance of marrying someone…
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
One Poem
Want to save here one poem which was dedicated to me by one of my special friends. I was just touched by the beautiful feelings that the poem is carrying… here it is…
“lost in my small world,
Bewildered was i….
So much that even the kiss of happiness just gone pass by…
The feeling of hatred was so strong,
That I could sense the air of destruction creeping along…
But then I looked upto an angel crossing by…
My heart trembled, my hands shookand I felt a bit shy!
But she made me feel that, I was so wrong!
My eyes stared at her as if asking, “Dear, why you took so long?”
Her warmth swept along all the sadness..
And suddenly I felt I was on high,
It was thou, my angel, who changed my life..
And now I confess, m no longer shy!”
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I AM HERE...
Mrigtrishna (mirage)...
Why I have given this name to my blog I don’t know! But ya it will definitely give some intellectual meaning or view to my blog!!
After spending 4 long years in Nagpur during my engg degree, am back home now! Its quite irritating to spend time ideally like this! No jobs in your hand but you are qualified enough to get a good job!! But it is the time I always used to dream… when I was in school till my 12th,I used to have an intellectual mind and a deep and emotional heart! Don’t know, perhaps it’s the environment I got in my engg days that I lost the minimum attention I used to give myself!... sometimes I missed myself!... I stopped writing poems, stories which I used to write regularly during my school days! Sometime I felt like I have lost all my emotions, sentiments! I have seen some days like I am forcing myself continuously holding the pen and the papers in front of me and waiting when my feeling will rise and I will have some plot to pen down something!... but all my hard work went in vein when I found the paper still virgin without a trace, after long hours also!... I know and confess that to write something meaningful, you don’t have to be emotional! Only you should have something to tell others in a good or interesting and decent way… no its not like I lost my decency in telling a story those days… what I feel today, perhaps I stopped observing the happenings around me.. Having no works to do now today, I have again started observing people! I am finding the people around me are really very interesting and they themselves carry a story or a poem inside them… my best friend Chayanika always complains, “ u have killed your feelings! Give me something new to read, write something!” so I have started my blog today…
I want to pen down myself, ma life, the lives around me and inside me….
I know I haven’t killed my feelings yet! They are still alive, new and fresh!
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