Hopelessly Hopeful...

…. She was not at all a stranger for me nor her little brother!... whenever I came to office I used to meet them!...
I was not at all interested about them!... but whenever I saw their malnutritioned health I used to thing, “How they r surviving?”… They were small kids of age 4-5 yrs old! May be the girl was little elder than the boy!..perhaps with the rising sun they srart thinking how to arrange todays fooding??? Like all the beggars on this earth their motto of life is “Live to eat not eat to live!”…. they are helpless!... I know!.. because they were just roadside beggers!...

I rarely pity on the beggers! I really don’t feel anything special for any of them; except for them who are really can’t go for any kind of physical works because of their disabilities!... but then also I rarely pay them a coin!..

This girl and her brother (I’ve considered him so!!) was also not different for me!... but I have a real weakness for kids! I always observe them with curiosity!... that girl had those ugly copper coloured curly hairs(Just Yucks!)! she had that extra large belly, explaining that some terrible worm working inside! She rarely wear something, even I have seen her totally nude for so many times (Its OK that she is not wearing anything or not having anything to wear right now, because she is only 5-6 yrs old; but what about the time after 6-7 yrs from now?! Isn’t it terrifying? No one on this earth needs an official announcement that a girl has grown up;be it’s a normal girl or roadside one! Is hardly matters!)!... I found everything related to her ugly!.. she was not at all cute or some thing like that!.. but that boy was so cute to look at! U may not find that at the first sight!...but if u observe him carefully he’s a very cute child!... specially his laugh just awesome! He used to laugh as if he was the most happiest child on this earth!.. his laughter always surprises me!...how can this creature can even gather the power to laugh that much??!.. he rarely get something to eat! He’s not healthy! Though also he can laugh and smile!...strange!..
After the office i used to wait for the bus and that whole time I used to observe them both!
They were just my time pass!... if they come to me n beg something I always chose to come to a safe place, far away from them!


That day when i reached my office and got down from the bus I saw the boy begger was crying his heart out near the footpath! I looked around to find out his sister!.. perhaps she went somewhere to collect food!... I again looked at the boy, he was sobbing badly!.. suddenly the boy noticed me that I was looking at him! His grief increased and cried again loudly... don’t know why I smiled at him!.. he hold back his tears and looked at me; perhaps my action made him confused! “Why she’s smiling?!” perhaps he was thinking!!... after a pause he ignored my presence started crying againg!.. he again stole a glance and looked at me; I again gave him a smile! This time that dirty cute begger couldn’t stop his smile!! He also tried to smile but he was crying previously! So it took some time for him to decide what to do exactly! Meanwhile he was continuing both of his jobs! He was crying delivering the irritating sound but smiling at me!...
I couldn’t stop laughing at his innocent deeds!but immediately realized that am on the main road!.. if someone is observing me he might be thinking that am a mad girl!... I maintained ma reputation and ma dignity and left the place for office!..i crossed the boy…I patted his head! He touched my hand trying to hold it…I removed ma hands! His touch was the same as a normal child could have!.. soft, natural!
First time in my life I had a feelings of doing something for that boy!... I am earning I should give him something to help him!... I felt good that day!... the ME inside me was feeling really happy; SHE appreciated me for the whole day!... returning from the office I gave the boy a 2 ruppes coin! (I can’t even invest a single paisa on beggers; that day I gave 2 ruppes! I surprised myself!!)


After that day it was one of ma regular habits to give the boy one coin, sometimes one chocolate etc!.. just he had to give me a smile! And my heart melts away!...



…I hate to travel by bus! Seriously sometimes its just irritating! Specially when it is over crowded!! Ewe!!.. but I have no other options to travel from my home to office!... so have to accept everything!!..

that day I was feeling like the bus was over crowded then usual!.. full of passengers, no place to place your foot somewhere on the bus floor!!.. I was sitting on the third seat! After 10 minutes I will reach my stop for office!... so I preferred to struggle when there was two more stops to go for my particular stop, to get out of the crowd n get down from the bus in time!... uff its really pathetic experience! U have to take care of everything u have while getting out of that crowded hell; starting from your hairstyle to your cloth, your bags your purse..everything!... after struggling for quite a while I maintained myself to come out safely from the bus at time!... “uff! Thank God!!”.. I thought!.. after getting down, I was searching for my cute begger!.. I saw him!.. “There!”.. I opened my hand bag to take out my purse to give him one coin!.. he was happy seeing me! M his regular customer now!
…..I tried hard but I couldn’t manage to find out my purse!... ”Where is it!! I have kept it here only! Even I have given the bus fare also!!” my mind was continuously speaking!.. the boy came near to me opening his palms! He was smiling! But I couldn’t!.. “Where r u damn it!” I was getting frustrated!... my mind was not ready to accept the fact that someone had stole my purse in the bus!... I had an immediate calculation! Three hundred rupees notes, some coins, my id card along with my ATM!!! No way!! I have lost everything????!!!... I searched my hand bag as clearly as possible!.. no there was no any single purse in my bag!... I felt like crying there only! That was the first time m facing that situation!... main tensen was the ATM card! I ‘ve to block it immediately!...

that boy was still there standing for my single response! That day I didn’t even smiled at him!.. and for quite some time I had been busy with my hand bag! Of course he was getting curious!.. he asked me money raising his palms! I ignored perhaps!... suddenly he started pulling my kurta pointing his stomach!..
that time only I was about to rush to the bank for blocking the ATM! My mind was totally blank at that moment! I was already frustrated to its peak! And that boy was pulling my kurta continuously!!... I couldn’t understand what happened to me, but I did the worst job ever! I turned back and slapped him tight!!... it took some time to understand for the boy what his regular customer has done to him!!... but I realized immediately!.. many of the passerby might be observing me n my deeds but for them this boy was a mere begger!! But I have to save my reputation!.. I immediately left that place n rush for the bus to the bank!...
I knew that I have done something tremendously bad!... I slapped him!.. it was really very hard for that 4 yr old to bare!.. I heard he was crying!! I looked back! He was still holding his cheeks! My godness! He was continuously crying hard and his sister was trying to convince him anyway!...
I couldn’t see more!...
I took my next bus n rush to the bank!
I promised myself to give him something in the evening while returning!




That evening I was not able to find those two kids at the same spot!
“Where they have gone??”
I blocked my ATM, and had withdrawn some money from the bank! I bought one chocolate for the boy! I was feeling so sorry for him!... his crying face was coming infront of my eyes!
But that evening they were not there!..
“Lets try it tomorrow!” I went home!


But that “Tomorrow” never came!... I tried to find them out! Went to nearest bagger’s point also! But they were absent!...

Today I had my last working day!.. but those mulnutritioned creature were still absent!
They left the spot! They left me!...
They left my coins….
I felt a lump in my throat!..
I took the bus for home!



My mind was constantly saying sorry to him; but the ME inside me was cursing me!....
Some how m feeling I have spoiled his laughter!...
“Sorry!!”.. my heavey mind spoke to him!



M hopelessly hopeful that somewhere someone again giving them some precious moments to smile to laugh, some chocolates, some coins with love, some touches of love but of course without slapping them, without betraying them!!..
They can be loved because they also are leading one life!... without any reputation!
But still they are hopelessly hopeful!.. like me…