The Difference

From my childhood some stupid thoughts always used to disturb me like hell! I was sensitive n silent child. So those questions raised  inside me n died off there itself, without any kind of answers....

From the day i heard about "suicide", the actual facts about it, it somehow became one fascinating thing for me! It may sound so funny or so depressing but i was always curious to know what is it exactly!? Why does people think of killing themselves?! God, its so   impractical!..

For so many years i was followed by those thoughts! It was obvious that somehow i was also trapped into those thoughts...
whenever i faced some failure, the thought of suicide follow me. Whenever i stand alone doing some really disgusting things, again this suicide thought follows me! But its really not like that i want to do that extreme thing! No!!! A BIG NO!!!... Whenever i think of suicide n start planning how to do that, in that whole process i always able to start thinking positively! Coz, what i feel somewhere down there inside my little heart i know i cant leave this world so easily! :) Or it will not be that easy for me to do that!! Seriously! In that whole process i start feeling the never feeling  love for ma family ma freinds everyone!Even if due to some person i was thinking about suicide, then its not a strange part if i start feeling soft for him/her too!!! Thats why, i never worry about ma suicide thoughts!

And right now after growing up as a lady (Full Fledged!!), i have controls on ma thought!

But no one can change that easily!

That day i was feeling very low! Those stupid stupid thoughts was about to be heavy on me! I connected ma net and star Googling! Some thoughts about life, inspiring n beautiful! I searched some pics... Suddenly ma eyes got stuck on dis pic which m publishing today on ma article!.. I started thinking about this person. Alone on the top of a dangerous mountain or hill, whatever it is... He is walking towards the edge! What he is trying to do? My suicide porn mind answered, "Suicide! ya he's going to die now!" I started thinking, God if some one fall down from that height then its impossible to survive anyhow!!... I was excited!...Thrilled!
I opened the link to save the pic. In ma download folder i searched the pic! Ya there it is! but was shocked! Y you know? That pic was named as "Leadership"!!
It was big slap on the face of  ma "suicidal" thinking mind!!!......

Ohh God! it was so inspirational! I really really loved that pic!...

All those stupid thought swiped off by the single glimpse of this picture!...
WOW... Ya got the answer...
I can lead a very happy life if i want to see the happy part of it!...
All i can do is stay happy n optimistic in any circumstances....

YA I Love Ma Life!

 

Life...

I Just wanted to touch you...

 

M Missing you............

I don’t know what is this … but somehow m feeling that m missing something … something which I really really want to feel to touch!...
I don’t know what is that but m missing something…

Perhaps m a lier.. m lying that I am what I am.. actually I am not…
I am here with all precious things around me..
Still am empty from inside…
But am not here…

Am searching you… but who are you?
Do I know you?

I want some dark silence… some killing silence…
Perhaps I can find you there…

I want some light… some bright light…
Perhaps I can feel you there…

I want some depth… some deeper than the deepest depth…
Perhaps I can touch you there…

Can you tell me who are you?

Is it you dear?

Oh that’s you…!!!
That’s me… the inner me, MYSELF!!!

M missing you terribly!
M missing Myself these days…….

In The Pocess of Discovering myself...

Nagpur happened in my life like a miracle!...
I never thought that someday I have to come away from home for the sake of my degree!... but ya it used to be one of my most favorite dreams…

But I was really not prepare for this dream to come true, that much surprisingly and suddenly! I accepted that phase, I accepted the fact that I have to leave my family for 4 long yrs!..
I already had cursed my life for so many things but this time I didn’t complain!..
I accepted life as it came…


I still remember the vary first step of mine in the Nagpur Railway station! It was really embarrassing; I fell down while crossing the staircases!!... I’m a little bit superstitious person! I was feeling like Nagpur will not be able to be mine!.. but the passed four yrs proved it to be wrong totally…

I entered PIET (Priyadarshini Institute of Engineering & Technology), and it welcomed me!.. I was stubborn! I thought many things; this city is not mine, I am not here to make friend; I have come here to study and will go back to my home after four yrs!... but Nagpur was loving enough! It embraced me with its hot weather and Marathi Culture! How and in what conditions the students of my class became my friend is history now!... just wanna say “I’m really blessed that I have u all!!”


Nagpur helped me a lot to know the real person within myself!... I got to know the realities about ME! Who am I really!!
Faced so many phases of life in Nagpur; the ups, the downs!
But I accepted all of them with patience! That is why perhaps, that city gave me so many things as gifts!
More importantly, Nagpur gave me satisfaction in many ways; which was really very rare in my previous life!...
I started my struggle in Nagpur…
I became a much more controlled person..
I started thinking positively…
I realized that I love ma family a lot..
I felt that now I m a grown up girl!!!...

Thanks Nagpur for giving me my College & my friends (in tones!!), for introducing me with the love of my life, for telling me that there are so many things where u have to be a topper apart from studies, for telling me that patience is the only treasure of ones life, for giving me a homely environment in such a place which is about 2200 Km away from my home town….

And finaly thanks a tone for helping me in discovering myself ….

The Sunset...

Sunsets never ever have attracted me this much untill i saw this photograph!

why i don't know whenever i see this photo i feel like crying!!...
its amazingly beautifull!

The Saraighat bridge

This beautiful bridge is conecting Guwahati with the outer world!!
the first bridge on the river Brahmaputra...

I jst love to view Guwahati from this bridge!...
the beauty of Mighty Brahmaputra icreases to a huge amount from here...