Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Fragrance of Life



Smell or Odor…
These two words are very much familiar to us. Many times it gives us intense pleasure and sometimes fills our heart with sour feeling!! But one thing is always for sure that no one can intentionally memorise a smell! Its actually our unconscious mind and our brain which always store each and every smell which we encounter in our lifetime! We can easily understand by smelling the air around us that the gas is leaking, some delicious food is in there in the kitchen, someone has used a strong smelling perfume etc. etc…
It’s a natural phenomena that until and unless one smells a good food, some delicious you don’t really feels hungry! And after smelling that you cant stop your appetite!!
Smells always reminds us about some good, something tasty and something beautiful!
These smells or odors always carry some memories and some events with it. I wanted to discuss that only in this post. All these above part are nothing but the introduction…
When I was in class I, my papa bought me one study table. It was the biggest and the most precious gift at that time for me! As a kid I used to study a lot; and after the arrival of that study table, I became a “Book Worm”!! Seriously, within a very short time that table became my whole world! That feeling of sitting on the chair and having a big, brilliant table in front of myself with various types of books on it, filled my heart with pride and surprise that, “How much I have grown up!!!”
My mom used to give me milk during my studies. I hate milk like anything! But she knew, if am studing that too with the study table, then there will be no objections and complains about the milk! I’ll drink it delightfully!!
That table had two drawers. I used to store my color pencils there. Whenever I used to open the drawer a “Woody” smell comes out of it! I loved that smell a lot… days have passed, I have grown up and ma requirements also! That study table also grew older, without increasing the size! So that sweet smelling small study table was replaced by another bigger one…
My mom now uses that table in her kitchen! One of the drawers have broken! The other one we rarely open! That old table has lost its color, its strength!... but one thing is still same…. Today also whenever I open the drawer that “Woody” smell comes out of it! And that smell take me around 18-19 yrs back, within a fraction of seconds!... I can smell my childhood!! It has a beautifull “Woody” smell!!
It’s a feeling, so good, nice and nostalgic!
…Not just the nonliving things, one particular individual also deliver some good smell always! Am not talking about using special scents or perfumes. Like my mom, my dad, my granny always smells like “Mom” “Dad” and “Grandma”!!! it’s a fact!
From my childhood, I used to sleep with ma grandma, whenever I went to my “Mama Ghar”. Grandma’s bed always smells like “Grandma”!... seriously! Recently my granny came to our home for her treatment. In those days also I slept with her. When she went back to mama ghar, I discovered that granny left her “Grandma” smell in that bed also, which was used by my mom before grandma, and previously it smells like “Mom”!!!... I love “Grandma” smell a lot!
When I was in hostel during my Engg, my mom gave me her shawl. During winters I cant imagine my mom without that shawl. But on that special winter of my first year, she gave it to me! Whenever I used it, I used to miss my mom! That shawl carried that “Mom” smell! I used to feel home sick!! Sometimes the conditions were so bad that I used to cry out of home sickness!!
I left using that shawl afterwards! But whenever I felt low, depressed, I used to sleep with that! It gave me strength and warm in its special way!
I told mom about all these feelings; but she was like its natural, extremely natural!... may be! But I fell some uniqueness within it!...
… the feelings of the first love is very special to everyone! No one on this planet can ignore this fact!... it’s a feelings which can make you feel peace in your most disturbed state of mind also!... that serenity is awesome!!..
I also experienced this feelings almost seven yrs back! But unfortunately, my this feelings is related with a very pungent smell!!.. I had never realized it till last yr. Around in November last yr, I went to a friend’s home. Her place was near our old coaching centre. It is a nostalgic place for me for so many reasons! But the main was that I met him first here itself!
Whatever that incidence is now 7-8 yrs old. Things have changed a lot now…
When I was returning from my friend’s home and waiting for the bus, a strong pungent smell hit ma nose! Instantly I felt like crying! I was bit depressed for a moment! As if m missing something!
“Why am feeling like this??!!” that smell was still in the air! Suddenly that closed doors of my past opened up… I realize that this was the same spot where I used to wait for bus after my coaching. And that special person also used to come to that place, sometimes for the bus and sometimes for other purpose! Those anxious days of my life also had this smell! Am writing anxious, but it was a beautiful anxiety!!
Last yr only that smell made me curious! Where from this smell is coming??!! I discovered a tree where new flowers were blooming! And that new flowers delivering that scent(!!?). it was not a known plant for me! I asked my dad also about it but he was also unaware of the name…
While my mom blocks her nose whenever she encounter this smell of the tree, I always fill my lungs with that scent, that air, so that I can feel that innocent and special feelings once again….


I always wonder, whether I have some smell or scent??? Do I smell like something???
My mom answers, “No!” my dad said, “You use a strong deo!” … these are not my type of answers!
I got my answer few days back!
My uncle has got his transfer to Silsar last month. Uncle, aunty and my sweet little cute cousin brother came for dinner before leaving to that place.... my mom always gives the old cloths of my brother to my cousin brothers. That day my little cousin was “lucky person” to get those cloths!..( I have named my cousin bro as Munu and he calls me Shunu! We are very much attached to each other, though he’s 18yrs younger than me!!)
Munu was excited like anything! For him those were his new cloths! He was also helping mom to find out the suitable one for him!!
Suddenly he got stuck at one of my old frocks!.. “ I want this!” munu was sure about his decision! Mom was trying to convince him that it was not for boys it was for gilrs! But he was continuously crying for that frock!
“Ok,Ok! Ask shunu whether she’ll give it to u or not?!” mom knows that am very much possessive about my things. So she gave that solution to him!
Munu came to me with that frock in his hands! “will you give it to me!” my instant answer was NO!! “its not for you boys, its for girls!”
He was curious, a bit tensed! “I’m not going to wear this!!...!”
“then??!” I was bit surprised! After a pause he asked me, “will you come to meet me regularly when I’ll go to silsar??”
I took him on my lap and replied, “no love that will not be possible for me to come there! Its far away from Guwahati!.. I’ll call u regularly!...!”
Munu was happy instantly and smiled! He said, “ Ok then. Give this frock to me! It smells like YOU!... I’ll not miss you anymore there!!...!”
A storm of emotions hit me! Immediately I felt like crying out of surprise! That 7 yrs old cutiepie has found me in my frock!! For him it was smelling like ME!!
I gave that frock to him. My mom was bit surprised but I wasn’t! I know the reason why am giving this to Munu! He was happy like anything!.. he gave me his drawing book so that I wont miss him! But it smells like color more than Munu!!.. still that drawing book always remind me about my cutiepie brother Munu!
That day I got my answer! I also carry some scent which make me different from others!....


…. Every person in this world has some scent, some good and some beautifull within him!
Smell it, treasure it and cherish those moments….


Sunday, May 30, 2010

Some time spent with U...

eti somyo hondhiya moi koisilu teuk.bhal paun tumak ontor bhori....

haahisil teu muloi saai...
kisumaan abhimaan thup khaisil mur monor majot!

kio? moi teuk bhal pabo nuwaru?
kio nuwaru?
teur hei bihalota
teur hei udarota

kio mur hobo nuare?
teur hei uddatto kontho t ji ek gobhir aaswas..
mur kio hobo nuware??

hei nila sagor khonok moi bhal pau!
pran bhori..
 teu kio mur hobo nuware?

moi j dub jabo khuju hei bihal nila-t...
teu j muk koi...
moi tumak aakuwali lobo nuwaru...
aakontho onubhob koribo bisaru
 teur nila joldhara...
                                                                          
teu muk koi ...
priya tumi mur nohoba...

aakash khonolooi mur eersha
mur priyotom-k tumi hei digontot kio suma jasiba???!!!
Kisumaan abhimaan-e aakou muk khede...
Sagar-e muk kole..
Etibaar mathu aakashe torar hei buta bosa sador khon pindhi ohar homoyot,
Tumi u aahiba…Tumak bhal pua ki kom..

Goisilu.. tuer kahot bohi hinisilu teur
monor kotha…
Aakash khon sakhi aasil..
Teur jolorashiye mur podotol  suisil…
Teu koisil hei paaror boga balisor aaru teur prem kahini!


Eti ontohin jatra..
Kunudin ek hobo nuwariu ek hoi ruwar madokota…
Bujisilu teur bihalotak hei dina,
Usoror pora!
Ontor bhori nomon korisilu hei udarota-k…
Teu aakou koisil…
He priya tumi aahiba
Aakou ketiyaba nishar aakash khonor hoite…

Kothapatim aami bure…Moi je hosakoyei bor olohoriya!
huni goisilu hokolubur... 
kotha disilu teuk
he gobhirota tumak okolhoriya hobo nidiu!

uttorot teu mur aasolkhon tiyaisil........
hopunbur henu enedorei titi thake eti ontohin aashar opekhat!

  

Friday, April 30, 2010

The Difference

From my childhood some stupid thoughts always used to disturb me like hell! I was sensitive n silent child. So those questions raised  inside me n died off there itself, without any kind of answers....

From the day i heard about "suicide", the actual facts about it, it somehow became one fascinating thing for me! It may sound so funny or so depressing but i was always curious to know what is it exactly!? Why does people think of killing themselves?! God, its so   impractical!..

For so many years i was followed by those thoughts! It was obvious that somehow i was also trapped into those thoughts...
whenever i faced some failure, the thought of suicide follow me. Whenever i stand alone doing some really disgusting things, again this suicide thought follows me! But its really not like that i want to do that extreme thing! No!!! A BIG NO!!!... Whenever i think of suicide n start planning how to do that, in that whole process i always able to start thinking positively! Coz, what i feel somewhere down there inside my little heart i know i cant leave this world so easily! :) Or it will not be that easy for me to do that!! Seriously! In that whole process i start feeling the never feeling  love for ma family ma freinds everyone!Even if due to some person i was thinking about suicide, then its not a strange part if i start feeling soft for him/her too!!! Thats why, i never worry about ma suicide thoughts!

And right now after growing up as a lady (Full Fledged!!), i have controls on ma thought!

But no one can change that easily!

That day i was feeling very low! Those stupid stupid thoughts was about to be heavy on me! I connected ma net and star Googling! Some thoughts about life, inspiring n beautiful! I searched some pics... Suddenly ma eyes got stuck on dis pic which m publishing today on ma article!.. I started thinking about this person. Alone on the top of a dangerous mountain or hill, whatever it is... He is walking towards the edge! What he is trying to do? My suicide porn mind answered, "Suicide! ya he's going to die now!" I started thinking, God if some one fall down from that height then its impossible to survive anyhow!!... I was excited!...Thrilled!
I opened the link to save the pic. In ma download folder i searched the pic! Ya there it is! but was shocked! Y you know? That pic was named as "Leadership"!!
It was big slap on the face of  ma "suicidal" thinking mind!!!......

Ohh God! it was so inspirational! I really really loved that pic!...

All those stupid thought swiped off by the single glimpse of this picture!...
WOW... Ya got the answer...
I can lead a very happy life if i want to see the happy part of it!...
All i can do is stay happy n optimistic in any circumstances....

YA I Love Ma Life!

 

Monday, April 26, 2010

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I Just wanted to touch you...

 
Posted by Picasa

M Missing you............

I don’t know what is this … but somehow m feeling that m missing something … something which I really really want to feel to touch!...
I don’t know what is that but m missing something…

Perhaps m a lier.. m lying that I am what I am.. actually I am not…
I am here with all precious things around me..
Still am empty from inside…
But am not here…

Am searching you… but who are you?
Do I know you?

I want some dark silence… some killing silence…
Perhaps I can find you there…

I want some light… some bright light…
Perhaps I can feel you there…

I want some depth… some deeper than the deepest depth…
Perhaps I can touch you there…

Can you tell me who are you?

Is it you dear?

Oh that’s you…!!!
That’s me… the inner me, MYSELF!!!

M missing you terribly!
M missing Myself these days…….